I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
This baby is an asshole
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
