I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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