doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
