i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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