I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Your penis caused this!
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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