areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
