I feel like abortions should bother me more
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Everyone says I win the strip club
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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