i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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