She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
