hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
