Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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