NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
