my mouth tastes like poor choices
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
zippers are such a cool invention
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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