Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
