Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
