I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
