apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
