I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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