I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Randomize
