Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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