I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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