i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
