Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
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