currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
