I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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