sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize