Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
