dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
My balls are so social today.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
