i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
