i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
