Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
