All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I can text with my tongue
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize