I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
