So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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