I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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