That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
