3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Randomize
