Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
