i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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