If i could tip my vagina, i would.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
