Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
