My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
oh god the rape fog is back!
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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