i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize