All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
