you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
As shirtless as possible
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
