So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
