I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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