fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
