The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Randomize
