were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
