mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
