Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
