I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Randomize