No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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