dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
