my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Randomize
