yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
