So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
