oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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