theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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