I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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