It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
