found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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