I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
My penis needs a shock collar
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
