it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize