My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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