she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
