I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
