Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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