3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
