This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize