Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
