Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
