Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm sobbing to NWA
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