Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize