then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
