Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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