Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize