There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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