idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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