It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
