this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
