last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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