I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
