I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
