I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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