...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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