Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize