I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize
