Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
