You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
