i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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