His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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