So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Randomize
