How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
