y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
