We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
