omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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