first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
