I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
